Friday, June 14, 2013

To Dad

I often don't share this part of my personal life. It made me who I am today, and it shows the kind of man my dad was. I think about him every day and miss him. He was an extraordinary man, not because of his firefighter career, but his giant heart.

My dad was always my dad. From the time I could talk, I called him "Daddy". My dad would pick up my sister to spend time with her and I'd always ask to go. Why couldn't I? Something a 2 and 3 year old doesn't understand that biologically, I wasn't his. By my biological father's (my mom's ex-husband, whom I never considered a dad, so he will be referred to as B-F) he decided not to be a part of my life. He held me at 6 weeks old, and didn't have the heart to continue the relationship. I'd like to think sometimes that it was out of guilt, that he knew he wasn't a good father and had too many issues, so he did the best thing for me. Realty check: He was just an idiot. To quote my mother, "Sperm doesn't make a father." As stupid as he was, I had the smartest mom ever, who did an amazing job building the best life she could for my sister and I.

My dad would come to pick up my sister and whisk her off to spend time with her, and I couldn't go with. I wanted to have fun too, and why couldn't I go with? The man my sister called daddy, I called daddy too. What was the difference? At 3, I went up to him and asked, "Daddy, can I come with too?"  "Go get your coat." He said. From that moment on, I went with him every single time. He didn't just have 1 daughter now, he had 2. We were introduced as his daughters. I wasn't his blood, but he didn't care. He looked at that pale, freckled faced, Irish looking 3 year old, and became my Daddy.

Father's Day is bittersweet. I miss my Dad. We lost a lot of time together that I regret every day. But I look forward to the day where I will see him again in the arms of Jesus.

He wasn't perfect, but he loved me. Truthfully, he loved me from the day I was born until the day he passed away. I can just imagine him seeing me as a baby and felt a connection to me. He held me as a newborn, and unlike B-F he hung on, and didn't let go.

Happy Father's Day Dad,

Even though you're not here, thanks for being my Dad and the opportunity to have two parents. Thanks for treating me like I was always yours. Thanks for the laughs, the time we spent together, for putting up with my teenage attitude, and for being the kind man that you were.

Missing and loving you always,


 (My dad and I 1995)




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